1. X-Men Origins: Wolverine — May 1

2. Star Trek XI — May 8

3. Angels & Demons — May 15

4. Terminator IV — May 21

5. Transformers II — June 24

6. Public Enemies — July 1

7. Harry Potter VI — July 17

8. G.I. Joe — August 7

World Wide Telescope
www.worldwidetelescope.org

I haven’t spent much time tinkering with this program yet, but in just the first few minutes I’m already nostalgic for 1985, when I was convinced that I would be an astronaut.  It’s a free download that lets you zoom around in 3D space to visit Mars, Neptune and beyond.  Great… as if I needed yet another way to procrastinate…

Red State Socialism
www.democraticactionteam.org

I know the election ended a few months ago, but I’m still pissed about Joe the Plumber and the Republican bullshit about Obama being a socialist.  (Ask me about this in twenty years, and I’ll still be angry.)  In this spreadsheet, you’ll see just how socialist our country is, and most importantly, you’ll see that the folks who get the most federal handouts are precisely the folks who complain about it the most: red states.  The real socialists in this country are the Republicans, plain and simple; folks like Joe the Plumber, who are so stupid they don’t know how much they benefit from socialism.

Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday
www.craigslist.org

This might be the greatest Craig’s List advertisement of all time.

Black Hole Confirmed in Milky Way
news.bbc.co.uk

Scientists have “confirmed” that there is a gigantic black hole near the center of our galaxy.  Great.  There are two problems with this.  First, every time I try to think about it, I blow a fuse in my brain and can’t comprehend it.  Second, there’s a black hole nearby.  Wonderful.  There’s yet another way for life as we know it to come to a screeching halt in the blink of an eye.

Sexist Trends in Advertising
www.huffingtonpost.com

Folks have long lamented outrageously sexist trends in the advertising world.  Here’s an article about the top five sexist trends, including “sluts” and “girl on girl action”.  Of course, I think using sluts and girl-on-girl action to sell products is just terrible.  I wish advertising companies would just stop with this stuff already, geez.

Tis the season to escape the in-laws and the inevitable Christmas afternoon “what now” anti-climax.  Grab some egg nog and surf these excellent links:

How to Write a Business Plan
www.mahalo.com

That great business idea you’ve always had floating around in the back of your head?  Now is the time to get things rolling.  Learn how to write a business plan, and actually get your ideas on paper.  Who knows, maybe you’re the guy whose company will get us out of this recession.  Get er done.

The Moon and Jupiter over Los Angeles
www.nasa.gov

This picture is a pretty sweet reminder of how insignificant you are compared to the vast expanse of the solar system, man.  Here’s a photo of the planets Jupiter and Venus (and our moon) shining so brightly they’re still visible over the city of angels.  Far out, man.

10 Essential Steps to Take Before You Get Laid Off
www.getrichslowly.org

Let’s face it: After the holiday hangover subsides, you’re probably going to get fired or laid off (sorry). Here’s a list of ten things you should do between now and then.

Who’s the Tank?
www.wowinsider.com

Here’s a video only a WoW gamer will appreciate; a 21st century video game spin on the classic “who’s on first” routine.

Beat a Bad Economy — From Home
moneycentral.msn.com

Thousands of folks don’t know nothin’ ’bout this “bad economy”, because they’re beating it.  And they’re doing it from the comfort of their own homes.  Home-based businesses are surging right now, and for good reason: with next-to-zero overhead, they can charge far less than the competition and still reap a huge profit margin.

Jesus was Born in June
www.telegraph.co.uk

In yet another diss on modern Christianity, astronomers have now used biblical celestial configurations to prove that Jesus was not born in December, but rather, in June.  This falls in line with the long-standing theory that as Christianity spread through Europe, it became necessary for the church to marry the birth of its deity — Jesus — with the pagan winter festivals.  How many other times, and on how many other issues, do you think the church compromised its beliefs for power?

I’m Really Gonna Miss Systematically Destroying this Place
www.theonion.com

George W. Bush comments on his legacy.

Snowball Gun with 50-Foot Range
www.gizmodo.com

Holy shit.  Devestate the neighbors’ kids with this snowball power launcher.  When the little bastards turn to run home, you can continue pelting them for fifty feet.  The neighborhood will never forget the devestation you are about to unleash.

Listen, dude.  We both know that in the past, you’ve missed a few.  Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate all the presents you’ve left under the tree, even the dinosaur sweater back in ‘91 which was immediately destined for the way back of the closet.  I’ll take whatever I can get at Christmastime.

To help you out this year, I’ve prepared below my first genuine Christmas List since about 1995.  Yeah, I know, this kinda takes the fun out of things a bit.  But it also eliminates the possibility of another dinosaur sweater.  For that reason alone, it’s worth it.  Anyway, without further ado, I present the 2008 Christmas List:

HP LaserJet M1522nf Laser Multifunction ($400).  This bad boy prints, copies and scans, and has a 50-page automatic document feeder.  This is exactly the kind of tool one needs to write the Ultimate Manifesto.  (Note: This particular model, the “nf” version, includes a fax machine function which I don’t need.  The “n” version (i.e., model number M1522n), which does not have the fax functionality, is actually what I’m looking for… it’s just hard to find. This model, the M1522nf, is obviously sufficient.)

T-Mobile G1 with Google — Black ($179).  There’s simply no excuse for this.  I already have a wonderful smartphone (the T-Mobile Dash) that does everything I need it to do.  The G1, therefore, is simply on the eventual “wish list”.  Still, this little guy will make me feel like James Bond.

World of Warcraft — Wrath of the Lich King ($40).  This is the latest expansion pack for WoW.  Eileen’s got to be pretty excited that our marriage has more video games in its near future.

Panasonic 50″ Plasma 1080p HDTV ($1400).  Everything about this TV is self explanatory.  Watching movies on this thing will hurt.  Dancing with the Stars will be so real, I will lose it when Edyta takes the stage.

Sony Blu-ray DVD Player with 1080p Output ($250).  What’s the point of having a high-def TV if you don’t have a high-def DVD player?  This Sony model is going to crush our living room into little pieces.

Sony 900W 5.1 Channel Home Theater System ($200).  This is actually a remarkably good deal; the receiver alone is worth about $200, but for that price, you also get six satellite speakers, a sub-woofer and an IPod dock.

XBox 360 Elite Console — Black ($400).  Bad guys need to die, and the XBox 360 will make sure it happens.  Game titles I’d also like for this thing: Halo 3, Halo Wars, Guitar Hero, NCAA Football 2008 and Madden 2009.

Panasonic 2-line Corded Phone ($180).  What’s better than a home phone?  How about a home phone with two line inputs.  If you’re feeling especially generous, you can also get me the expansion cordless handset for $80 (I’d like 2-3 of those)!

Panasonic Rechargeable Beard Trimmer ($28).  It takes effort to look as handsome as I do, and specifically, it takes a top-notch beard trimmer.

Black & Decker Blower/Vac ($58).  Dead leaves are the problem.  The B&D blower-vac is the solution.  This plugin version lends enough horsepower to put the leaves where you want them, and then mulch them into oblivion, with no raking whatsoever.

7 historical figures who were absurdly hard to kill
www.cracked.com

The folks at Cracked have compiled a list of seven guys who put up a hell of a fight before they were kicked off the planet.  My favotie?  The pirate Blackbeard, who decided to attack his naval pursuers rather than flee.  If you must go, go with a bang.

50 stunning examples of reflective photography
www.smashingmagazine.com

Next time you’re taking that great photo, reflect for a minute on what might be reflected!

Hard drive data recovery guide
www.popularmechanics.com

Great article on software and basic strategy to recover data from a damaged or semi-damaged hard drive.

How to meet girls in World of Warcraft
www.asylum.com

Felicia Day, an unknown but apparently cute actress in a web-sitcom about WoW gamers, offers some advice on how to actually pick up chicks while playing the addictive online game.  This is funny stuff, but here’s my advice to WoW gamers who want to meet some chicks: Stop playing WoW.  Seriously.

Michigan ranked #8 in recruiting
www.freep.com

Despite the worst season ever, Michigan football has picked up two more four-star recruits, and is ranked #8 in national recruiting polls.  So far, at least, it seems that the epic disaster of 2008 has not impacted Michigan’s ability to recruit nationally.  Does this mean next year will be better?  Not necessarily; Michigan was ranked #7 in recruiting last year.  Cross your fingers, folks.

Why churches fear gay marriage
www.salon.com

Richard Rodriguez (the celebrated gay Mexican author, not the Michigan football coach) has offered an interesting take on why religious institutions are so vehemently opposed to gay marriage.  His theory is that gay marriage is threatening to the traditional religious view of “family”, which is, in fact, a male-dominated view.  I.e., when a religious zealot says the word “family”, what he actually means is “male-dominated family”.  Interesting.

Mass media hypocritically hostile to Big Three bailout request
www.firedoglake.com

As if I needed another reason to despise Wolf Blitzer and his ilk of zero-brained, no-talent journalists, here’s an interesting commentary comparing the mass media’s (CNN, FOXNews, MSNBC, etc.) reaction to the Bush/Paulson bailout proposal and the Big Three bailout proposal.  Bush/Paulson requested $700 billion with no strings attached, and the media was more or less fine with it.  Detroit requested $25 billion and was perfectly happy to compromise, but the media has jumped all over them.  WTF.

Alien-like squid filmed at deep-sea drilling site
news.nationalgeographic.com

A deep-water camera anchored to the bottom of an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico has caught rare footage of a squid with elbows hovering above the ocean floor.  Aside from being completely fucking terrifying, this video is further proof that (1) we know pretty much jack shit about the world around us, and (2) do not go in the water.

Prison inmates sneak through ceiling to have sex
news.yahoo.com

Co-ed prison inmates in Indiana have been charged with “escaping” into the ceilings of their cells in order to travel to other prison cells for the purpose of having sex.  This true story sounds so much like a really bad movie, but it’s brilliant, if you think about it.  These folks figured out a way to escape from prison, but decided to stay anyway for the decent hook-ups.  I love it.

Coming off of two weeks of losses, we are desperate poised for a turnaround.  Here’s a handful of stocks I hope to pay off during this shortened upcoming holiday week…

Campbell’s Soup (CPB) @ 36.27

Hewlett Packard (HPQ) @ 34.64

Deere & Company (DE) @ 30.97

Last week: How did we do?

It was another bad week for the market, and another bad week for Joe.  A portfolio invested exclusively in the five stocks we picked last week would have lost 12% of its value.  By comparison, the S&P 500 lost 8.39% of its value last week.  We correctly predicted Intuit’s positive earnings news, but that was our lone success.  Wow, does this suck.

360cities.net provides panoramic city photos, awesomeness
www.360cities.net

The website 360cities.net allows users to select from among the world’s most popular travel destinations,  and load a panoramic, 360-degree photograph that can be “explored”.  This technology has been around for a while in the form of “virtual tours” of houses and apartments.  At 360cities.net, it’s extended to cool locations that you actually want to see, like the Great Pyramids at Giza.  Better yet, it integrates with Google Earth, so you can pull up a location in Google Earth and then get down on the ground of that location with 360cities.net.  I’m stoked.

Richrod finally names season captains, now that the season is over
www.freep.com

Michael Massey, Terrence Taylor, Will Johnson and Tim Jamison have been named season captains for the Michigan Wolverines.  There are a handful of interesting things to note about this seemingly mundane news.  First, who are these guys?  Note that none of these captains are marquee play-makers.  No quarterbacks, no running backs, no wide receivers.  Think about where the team leadership is coming from; it’s coming from the defensive line.  Veddy interesting, methinks.  Second, why so late?  The captains were selected less than a week before the final game of the season.  In other words, they were rewarded for their natural leadership, rather than selected ahead of time to actually fill the role of leaders.  This lends massive credence to my theory that part of Michigan’s problem is that there is no leadership on the field.

Week 13 Score: 7/10 (70%)
Total Score: 20/30 (67%)

Joe’s college football picks are based on games selected by ESPN in the ESPN College Pick’Em contest.  You can match your strength against Joe by checking out his ESPN User Profile.