Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Nam liber tempor cum soluta nobis eleifend option congue nihil imperdiet doming id quod mazim placerat facer possim assum. Typi non habent claritatem insitam; est usus legentis in iis qui facit eorum claritatem. Investigationes demonstraverunt lectores legere me lius quod ii legunt saepius. Claritas est etiam processus dynamicus, qui sequitur mutationem consuetudium lectorum. Mirum est notare quam littera gothica, quam nunc putamus parum claram, anteposuerit litterarum formas humanitatis per seacula quarta decima et quinta decima. Eodem modo typi, qui nunc nobis videntur parum clari, fiant sollemnes in futurum.

Tis the season to escape the in-laws and the inevitable Christmas afternoon “what now” anti-climax.  Grab some egg nog and surf these excellent links:

How to Write a Business Plan
www.mahalo.com

That great business idea you’ve always had floating around in the back of your head?  Now is the time to get things rolling.  Learn how to write a business plan, and actually get your ideas on paper.  Who knows, maybe you’re the guy whose company will get us out of this recession.  Get er done.

The Moon and Jupiter over Los Angeles
www.nasa.gov

This picture is a pretty sweet reminder of how insignificant you are compared to the vast expanse of the solar system, man.  Here’s a photo of the planets Jupiter and Venus (and our moon) shining so brightly they’re still visible over the city of angels.  Far out, man.

10 Essential Steps to Take Before You Get Laid Off
www.getrichslowly.org

Let’s face it: After the holiday hangover subsides, you’re probably going to get fired or laid off (sorry). Here’s a list of ten things you should do between now and then.

Who’s the Tank?
www.wowinsider.com

Here’s a video only a WoW gamer will appreciate; a 21st century video game spin on the classic “who’s on first” routine.

Beat a Bad Economy — From Home
moneycentral.msn.com

Thousands of folks don’t know nothin’ ’bout this “bad economy”, because they’re beating it.  And they’re doing it from the comfort of their own homes.  Home-based businesses are surging right now, and for good reason: with next-to-zero overhead, they can charge far less than the competition and still reap a huge profit margin.

Jesus was Born in June
www.telegraph.co.uk

In yet another diss on modern Christianity, astronomers have now used biblical celestial configurations to prove that Jesus was not born in December, but rather, in June.  This falls in line with the long-standing theory that as Christianity spread through Europe, it became necessary for the church to marry the birth of its deity — Jesus — with the pagan winter festivals.  How many other times, and on how many other issues, do you think the church compromised its beliefs for power?

I’m Really Gonna Miss Systematically Destroying this Place
www.theonion.com

George W. Bush comments on his legacy.

Snowball Gun with 50-Foot Range
www.gizmodo.com

Holy shit.  Devestate the neighbors’ kids with this snowball power launcher.  When the little bastards turn to run home, you can continue pelting them for fifty feet.  The neighborhood will never forget the devestation you are about to unleash.

Coming off of two weeks of losses, we are desperate poised for a turnaround.  Here’s a handful of stocks I hope to pay off during this shortened upcoming holiday week…

Campbell’s Soup (CPB) @ 36.27

Hewlett Packard (HPQ) @ 34.64

Deere & Company (DE) @ 30.97

Last week: How did we do?

It was another bad week for the market, and another bad week for Joe.  A portfolio invested exclusively in the five stocks we picked last week would have lost 12% of its value.  By comparison, the S&P 500 lost 8.39% of its value last week.  We correctly predicted Intuit’s positive earnings news, but that was our lone success.  Wow, does this suck.

There are almost as many euphemisms in the English language for being discharged from employment as there are for having sex.  Some of my favorites: “getting the axe”, “getting let go”, “parting ways”, and my all-time favorite, “getting shit-canned”.  In our sour economy, with jobless rates at all-time highs, it seems that the prospect of getting fired is looming ever closer for everyone these days.

Do not fear! First, getting fired is very normal; various surveys estimate that anywhere between 40% and 70% of all Americans will be fired at some point in their lives.  In other words, if you get fired, you’re in very good company (especially in an economy like this one).  Second, for the vast majority of people, unemployment is temporary, and typically averages between one and four months.  Getting fired is one of those things that feels bad at the time, but just isn’t that bad in the long run.  Plus, there are some ways to ease the process tremendously, and we’ve compiled the best here, in our handy, all-purpose guide: How to Get Fired!

Before you get fired

1. Dust off your resume.  Bringing your resume or CV up to speed is remarkably time-consuming.  If you think you’re about to be fired, spend some time making those updates now, and you’ll save valuable job-hunting time later.  Even if you don’t think you’re going to be fired, you should update your resume or CV annually or so, just so you have it handy.
2. Start saving.  If you think you’re going to be fired in the near future, start saving from cash now.  Cut out non-essential expenses, and put the cash you save somewhere safe, such as a savings account that is not electronically tied to any of your automatically-paid bills.  Create a little financial cushion for yourself.
3. Seek out job search websites now, and bookmark them for later use.  If the axe does fall, you will be ready to start your job search immediately without wasting any time figuring out where jobs are posted.  Start with the online classifieds for your local newspaper.  Create a Monster.com profile, and start browsing.
4. Start working on your “project”.  Everyone has a long-term dream business project or enterprise.  Maybe you’ve always thought about starting your own business, or even writing a novel.  Get cracking on it now!  Working on your project will not only provide you with some wonderful stress relief and a sense of purpose, but it could also lead to something profitable.  Maybe that idea you daydream about is profitable; hell, maybe you’re a genius.  Get cracking.
5. Look for another job.  Why wait?  Begin the process now.  You don’t necessarily need to start sending out applications, but the more convinced you are that you’re about to be fired, the more seriously you should be applying to other places.

When you get fired

1. Be polite and courteous.  As upsetting as it is to get fired, keep your cool.  If you start spouting profanities, you will only regret it later on.  It can be gratifying to burn bridges with your former colleagues, but ultimately you are doing yourself a massive dis-service.  Thank your employer for the opportunity to work at the company, and shake your boss’ hand.  No further comment is necessary.
2. Ask your boss to clarify whether you’re being “fired” or “laid off”.  This distinction will be important later on, if you decide to apply for unemployment benefits.  If your boss answers that you are being “laid off” — i.e., discharged for economic reasons — then you should politely ask your boss for a letter to that effect.
3. Ask for a letter of recommendation.  Regardless whether you’re being fired or laid off, ask for a letter of recommendation.  The answer may be no, especially if you’re being fired for cause.  But you’d be surprised; most employers are willing to write at least a cursory recommendation letter for employees who are being fired.  No one is all bad, and employers recognize that.
4. Ask about severance pay.  Most employers offer some form of severance.  The average these days is anywhere between two and four weeks of severance pay, with additional weeks tacked on based on your years of service to the company.  A shocking number of employers, however, do not offer any severance pay.  This should be illegal, in my mind, but in most states, unfortunately, it is not.  Do not expect any severance at all, but know that the average is 2-4 weeks of pay.  Regardless what is offered to you, there’s no harm at all in trying to negotiate modestly upward.
5. Speaking of severance pay, you need to know the distinction between “paid leave” and “severance”.  Paid leave time is accumulated vacation days, sick days, personal days, etc.  If you had any such days factored into your annualized salary, then in most states, you are entitled by law to have those amounts paid to you upon termination.  For instance, if you were granted ten sick days per year, but only used five, you are entitled to have five days of salary paid to you.  Severance, on the other hand, is gratuity; it is not mandatory that your employer pay you any severance in most states.  In short, unpaid leave is mandatory, severance is not.  You should, however, get both.  Keep this in mind when you’re talking to your employer about the terms of the separation.
6. Ask about continuing on temporarily.  Your employer may give you “two weeks notice”, or your employer may ask you to quit work entirely.  Either way, you should inquire about staying on the job temporarily (say, for a month or two) until you’re able to arrange other work.

After you get fired

1. File for unemployment benefits.  In most states, there’s a significant delay associated with unemployment benefits; sometimes several months.  Your first act as an unemployed person should be to file for unemployment right away.  Do not assume that you’re not eligible for unemployment.  Do not assume that you’ll not need benefits.  Apply now; you can always withdraw your application later.
2. Call your lenders about forbearance.  Almost all lenders, including mortgage companies, credit card companies, student loan companies and other financial institutions are willing to grant some kind of forbearance.  You will likely need to provide “proof” that you are unemployed, such as a note from your former employer (see above).  The amount of forbearance varies depending on the flexibility of your lenders, but it typically ranges from two to six months.  Be honest with your lenders, and let them know about your situation immediately.  Be honest and forthcoming with your lenders, and let them know the situation right away.
3. Call your bank to inquire about tapping into any tax-deferred accounts.  Obviously, you don’t want to withdraw on any retirement accounts like IRAs or 401(k)s unless absolutely necessary.  There are tax penalties and other fees associated with doing this, so it’s best to avoid this maneuver if at all possible.  However, sometimes it does become necessary.  Immediately after being fired or laid off, call your bank to inquire about the process for doing that.  If it does become necessary for you to tap into your reserves, the last thing you’ll want to do is wait for the paperwork.  Get that paperwork now, so at least you’ll be prepared if digging into the reserves becomes necessary.
4. Relax.  Most people are typically “between jobs” for a short period of time, anywhere between two weeks and a few months.  The prospect of being perpetually unemployed for six months or more is extremely rare.  Besides, as stressful as being unemployed can be, it’s still an opportunity to sleep in a little!  Relax.

Well, folks, at some point here, the market has to rebound, right?  Right?  Is this the week?  I’ve picked a handful of stocks here that should see some upward progress in the near future.  After last week, I’m staying away from retailers!  Cross your fingers…

Medtronic (MDT) @ 37.45

Intuit (INTU) @ 21.58

Autodesk (ADSK) @ 19.53

Dell (DELL) @ 10.89

Heinz (HNZ) @ 41.02

Last week: How did we do?

Well, it was a friggin’ bloodbath.  A portfolio invested exclusively in the eight stocks we picked last week would have lost 9.2% of its value.  By comparison, the S&P 500 lost 6.2% of its value last week.  Weighing our portfolio down heavily was JC Penny, which suffered a crushing loss of almost 23% last week alone.  Retailers like JC Penny and Urban Outfitters are clearly not a good choice right now.  Wow.  Jeez.  My bad.

EchoStar (SATS) @ $18.40

Sempra Energy (SRE) @ $42.70

Microsoft (MSFT) @ $21.50

Applied Materials (AMAT) @ $11.30

NetApp (NTAP) @ $12.80

Urban Outfitters (URBN) @ $17.50

Agilent Technologies (A) @ $21.84

JC Penny (JCP) @ 22.40

Requiem of a Maverick
www.esquire.com

Interesting short post on the two McCains: the guy who started the campaign as an accomplished leader and straight-talker, and the guy who ended the campaign (and lost) as an evasive incompetent.  Raises the question: Did McCain surrender too much of his personality to his campaign managers?  Is the McCain we met on the campaign trail the real John McCain?

Which Stocks Would Soar Under an Obama Presidency?
www.time.com

Good look at a handful of economic sectors which may shoot up like a rocket under the Obama administration.  Entirely speculative, of course, but isn’t that what the market is all about?  This article might be right; let’s keep an eye on these companies.

Why telecommuting is good for your company
www.itworld.com

Yet another short post on why it’s advantageous for companies to allow workers to telecommute.  The evidence and argument in support of telecommuting is reaching a point of being overwhelming.  Of course, law firms will be the last to sign up, so I guess I’ll continue to be screwed for the foreseeable future…

Nice house… wait, WTF?
www.realestate.com

This looks like a very nice ranch in Western Australia… good neighborhood, new construction… everything looks great.  Let’s take a quick tour, shall we?  Living room, dining room, bedroom… wait.  WTF?  (Click on “more images”, and scroll through to the fourth picture or so.)

How Obama Did It
www.newsweek.com

Very insightful look into the smoke-filled rooms, so to speak, that launched the Obama presidential campaign and began the process of constructing the iconic figure of Barack Obama.  This is a profoundly interesting look at the sometimes sloppy candidate manufacturing process.